Adeline's

心不在焉
These are the only words I can describe about myself today.
Every minute, every second, I'm reminded of it.
When I'm playing cards, when I was helping out with the stalls, when I'm talking, & even when I'm trying to get to sleep during assembly.

I'm really sorry I wasn't myself today.
I really can't bring myself to act all high & stuff, not when all these are happening.
The smile, yes I know it vanished from Adeline.
I'm sorry. I also long for that smile to be back up on my face one day.

But I'm really very very grateful to the people around me.
Belicia, SiXuan, MengChao & Jerome.
Thanks for understanding.
Even though you guys may not know the entire story.

I know SiXuan thinks I'm mad.
From what I said.
But I'll be alright. I'll try to be fine.
& I hope I'll be okay.
But with you guys around, what more can I ask for?
I promise that I'll be the wild & crazy Adeline again.
Soon.

-

I know you're faking.
But don't you know it's very selfish of you like that?
I really lived in fear, fearing for my own safety, my life.
& I'm so sure you're not okay.

Thinking.
It's a torture. But somehow, it just can't get out of my brains.
You.
You've turned an innocent child to a depressing kid.
You've dashed the wonderful hopes I've been longing for.
But yet, you're the one who made me who I am today.
Am I supposed to thank you?
Or am I supposed to hate you for my slow & painful death?

Seriously, I wonder what's wrong with the you, Dr L?
I thought you've got that oh-so-great certificates?
Why can't you sense something's very wrong?
Or maybe. You're not fit to be a doctor in the first place.

I wonder